Chronicles Of Whizzy Straddlin'
by ValentineRevenge
Summary: Sure, we've all heard of the Guns n Roses guitarist's bad choice of urinals. But what would happen if Tosen was the judge on the case?
1. Chapter 1

Frank Iero and Izzy Stradlin were in the airplane at 32,000 feet. Perfect cruising altitude. They were the sole persons awake on a late night flight, this one being from Japan to England. It was taking several hours. Most of Guns-N-Roses band members, were already asleep, as well as the My Chemical Romance members. The ones who were not were quietly occupying themselves, with activities that did not disturb any of their fellow passengers. Save for our favorite two trouble making rhythm guitarists. As it went, the only ones who were still awake besides Frank and Izzy were Slash, Gerard, Axl, Duff, and Ray (sorry bout turning you into a girl last chapter). Ray was trying to get some sleep, using the nearby Slash as a pillow. Slash did not take kindly to this.  
Primely because it was leaving the 'fros to get tangled up. 'Fro wrestling anyone? It was also a prime candidate for more flying things from Izzy and Frank. Thereof, neither Ray nor Slash seemed to get any sleep in the near future. They were constantly having to pick things out of their hair, and yell at Frank and Izzy for putting things there. Not to mention Slash didn't want his beloved top-hat to fall off. The guys at security had already given him shit about it, and he had had it up to here. So every time Ray went to lean on his companion's shoulder, it pushed the hat to one side. This left a rather pissed off Slash setting it right, and elbowing the younger guitarist angrily, and nagging him.

Duff was watching Frank and Izzy with mild amusement. He currently was in the exact center of the row. Slash and Ray were on the left side of the plane, with Ray being in the aisle seat, and having nowhere else to rest his head besides a conveniently located top-hat. (Lemme tell ya from personal experience, when flying, persons give you hell about your top hats :\ ) Bob was next to him on one side, using him as a pillow. Mikey was on the other side, snoring slightly, his glasses askew. Axl was on the other side, bitching about something. Probably the fact that every time someone went past his seat, he got bumped. And that the person in front of him was reclining too far back. And every time Gerard wanted to use the lavatory, he got disturbed. Gerard was in the window seat, drawing away contentedly.

Frank and Izzy were sitting directly in front of Duff, with Steven in one of the seats in front of the National Afro Committee. (Would that be international Afro Committee since they're flying internationally?) They were located fairly near the end of the plane, near the kitchens and bathroom stalls. To Duff, the Frankie-and-Izzy show was the most interesting thing going on in the plane at the moment. Listening to Axl whine like a little bitch was funny, but it did wear out after a while. Currently, the duet had gotten some (mild) alcohol, the kind they sell on the airplane for you to drink in the air. Not to mention the bottle's they'd bought at duty-free. They seemed to be playing some form of the game "I have never". However, with so few persons, the name of this game should have been changed to "Who can get more drunk before we land?"

Currently, Frank seemed more bouncy and hyper if anything else. How that was even possible, was beyond me. Izzy however, even though he had had less to drink than the rambunctious Iero, he had had a soda earlier. Frankie pulled out a notebook from his bag, along with several Kleenex, a can of axe, and some sharpies in bright colors. Without warning, he sprayed it all over Izzy, and Duff. They instantly started sneezing up a storm on that side. Frankie handed them the Kleenex, while over on the other side of the plane, Axl was throwing another fit, this time saying, "Dammit you little bastard can't you do that somewhere where I can't smell it?" Frankie stuck out his tongue, before saying, "Sure, if you feel like traveling on your own plane next time, or going outside on the wing. I have no qualms about sending you  
out there."

Axl flipped him off. Somehow, Frankie found himself with several very snot-filled Kleenex tissues. He put them on the seat next to them, opened the note-book, and started scribbling away. After a few minutes, he showed it to Izzy. The picture depicted a rather childish stick-figure drawing of slash, complete with top-hat, but for some reason he was wearing what appeared to be bright green eyeshadow, pink lipstick, and was dressed in a skirt, top and heels. To add insult to injury, the top he was drawn with made him look like he had a full feminine figure.

Izzy started giggling insanely, seeing what was going on in the picture more completely. There was what appeared to be a cross-dressing Ray Toro in the picture as well. The stick figures were supposed to look like they were kissing, but Frankie wasn't bothering  
himself with too many details because it was supposed to be a quick little picture thing. Frankie asked, "Like it?" Izzy shook his head, and grabbed up a sharpie, scribbling, From here it looks like you're making out at the top of the picture, before he crumpled it up, and threw it at Slash. It hit his hat, and ended up tangled in the combined 'fros. Several moments later, filled with quite a few cusses, they had detangled the note, and read it. Loud profanities, and death threats could be heard, as well as many threats to the effect that the Rythym Guitarists would leave the plane with foot prints on their derriers.

Shortly after they'd calmed down, Frankie threw the tissues at them, landing in the massive 'fro. The resulting commotion was so loud, several sleeping persons woke up, and requested that they please STFU so they they could get some rest.

Over on the other side, Axl got up and moved back to the bathrooms. There seemed to be a small que forming there. After 3 minutes, he still wasn't back. "How long does it take that guy to take a piss?" Frankie asked no one in particular. Duff rolled his eyes. Suddenly, Izzy decided he too needed to empty his bladder. Seeing both bathrooms were full, with lines forming, probably due to someone taking quite a while, he joined the end. After a few more minutes, the que still hadn't moved a single inch. Izzy was now doing a little dance. He darted back to the mini-kitchen where there was no one, figuring he couldn't be seen, he unzipped his pants, and let loose.

Up the plane, a stewardess was walking down the aisle towards the kitchen, to get some water for a senior citizen. As she entered the kitchen, she was treated to the full sight of one Izzy Stradlin, pants around his ankles, organ in hand, relieving himself into the small sink-like thing. "Excuse me sir, but what in the hell do you think you're doing?" She demanded. Izzy looked up, (for some reason) still relieving himself and said, "What do you think I'm doing back here lady? Taking a piss?"


	2. Chapter 2

The judge just couldn't believe his eyes. Well, he was blind, but he couldn't believe his ears. "Holy mother of Aizen! Are you serious, Gin?" Tosen asked the silver-haired man. "O' course I am, Tosen-san! Yer next case is this guy who had ta piss."

"But in the name of Justice, why should I want to put a man in jail just for doing what is natural?" Tosen asked, not fully comprehending the situation. This is why he didn't like being a blind judge. sure, he liked being a judge, so he could hand out massive servings of Justice, but he didn't like having to rely on Gin to read all the files to him, because more than once, when Gin was bored, he had made the courtroom hell for the blind man.

So later, when all had entered and risen in honor of the judge and sat again, Tosen was forced to ask the embarrassing question. "Why is there a man being brought in for having to urinate? Urination is natural and if I were to prosecute someone for urinating, then the entire world is criminals! This is a lack of Justice!"

"But your honor, you don't know where he urinated!" A lawyer for Delta Air said, flabbergasted. How could a judge come into the courtroom not knowing the details of the case that he was supposed to be working on? "And where might that be?" Tosen asked, raising an eyebrow.

There was a moment of silence, in which the lawyer exchanged looks with his team, as if deciding which of them should tell the judge. Finally one intern, who was little more than the guy who got them coffee and hauled their paperwork around for them, piped up quietly, "An airplane."

"Well when a guy's gotta go, a guy just fuckin' gotta go!" Izzy yelled. Slash facepalmed. He had told Izzy to keep his cool!

"And 'sides, man, it ain't my fucking fault, Frank was the one encouraging me!"

Tosen cringed, yelling, "LACK OF JUSTICE! Profanity in the court! And who the Aizen is Frank?"


	3. Chapter 3

The courtroom erupted into chaos. The airline's lawyers were certain that they'd win because the judge was (in their narrow-minded view of things) an incompetent jackass who couldn't be bothered to learn his own court information. Izzy's lawyers were convinced that they'd win, because the judge had blatantly said if he decided to jail everyone who needed to piss, then they'd be locking away the entire world.

Meanwhile, the judge, Kaname Tosen, was just plain confused. In fact, Tosen had gotten himself so confused that he had to call a recces. Then, in leaving, he managed to walk into several walls, and finally the police officer in the corner had taken pity on him, and steered him into the judge's quarters by his elbow. Yes, his elbow.

While in there, Ichimaru took it upon himself to switch the white judge's wig that was covering Tosen's dreadlocks with one that was hot pink, and tell poor Tosen that the reason that the airline lawyers were trying to prosecute Izzy was because Izzy 'wuz a brutha', just like Tosen, and that the airlines were racist.

Tosen nearly hit the roof upon hearing this. Throughout the courthouse, a very loud, LACK OF JUSTICE! could be heard. 


End file.
